Oh, and after this post is complete, I think I will deal with lighter topics, for a while.
This is yet another topic, that I cannot fully explain, without the biblical perspective.
First lets start with marriages.
I stated that abusive marriages are unnatural, and they are. So how do abusive marriages, and relationships even come about? First, it starts with what we have seen, heard, or witnessed. As children, we come to know and accept what family is, by the way we are raised. Namely by what we see, and what we hear. If there is an abusive father in the house, and little boy watches him physically, and verbally abuse his mother, I can tell you, that he hates what he is witnessing. Even though he hates it, often times, those same little boys, will grow up to become, the very thing they hate. Abusers.
Even though, in their heart of hearts, they know that it’s wrong, their minds have been programmed to accept that this is what ”family” is, and this is what a man does. I can also, almost guarantee, that the father who is doing the abusing, has been abused himself, and has seen abuse taking place, in one way or another. With every abusive man, I’ve ever met, the issue has always been, the internal struggle, within himself. It often has very little to do with his woman or his wife.
If a man beats himself up in his mind, he will beat his woman up, physically. Meaning, that if he believes that he is nothing, he will treat her like she is nothing. If, in his mind, he believes, that he is worthless, and stupid, he will tell her, that she is worthless and stupid. And, after awhile, she will believe, and become, just what he said, she is. Here's the reality of it. ----->>> Once a man is cleaved to a woman, whatever is on him, gets on a her. Especially, if she has been raised in a household, where she has seen her mother abused too, or no father at all. If a man hates himself, he will hate his wife. After a while, he will see to it, that she becomes a shell of her former self. Broken, just as he is.
The problem is that most men, don’t even know what it even means to be a husband. They’ve never seen it, as it should be, and it’s never been taught to them. Most men think, if they go to work, and pay the bills, that’s enough. That proves to him in his mind, that he loves his woman. Not to her! Christ gave HIMSELF! Women need more than a man’s money, she needs HIM! His support, his encouragement, his communication, his affirmation.
She wants to know what he thinks, and feels. She wants his passion, and his intensity. She even want to see his tears, and know his fears. In the 1st blog post, I mentioned, how the husband and the wife, are supposed to play the same roles as Christ and the church. People misinterpret the scripture, by saying that Christ is coming ” back after” a church without a spot or blemish, but this is wrong. What it, actually says, is, "so that he might present to himself a church, without a spot or a blemish”. See,none of us, were “all that “when He got us. But as time goes on, God begins to build and strengthen us, by His Spirit. He strategically, conforms us, to the image of His Son. Then we are gradually changed into what, he has already called us, to be.
It is a responsibility of each man, as a husband, to properly love and cover his wife.
A godly man will be a true shepherd over his household. He will lead, feed, heal, and tend to her, and his family." Whosever loveth his wife, loveth himself." Adam had a job, and a responsibility, before God ever gave him a wife, and some kids. Marriage is called Holy matrimony for a reason, God has to be the head of it. Often times, we don’t even think of men, as being nourishers and nuturers.
When it comes to those characteristice, we think of the woman, the breasted one. That’s because in many households that’s what we’ve seen for so long, the mom raising the kids, the mom giving all the encouragement. The mom building her husband and kids up. However, this is not what God intended.
He intended for the father to raise the kids, and the wife to help him. He intended for the husband to build his wife up, even if she wasn’t all of that, when he got her. He should call her beautiful, strong, smart, and blessed. He should tell her, you are mine, I love you, I want you, and I respect you. If he’s doing his job, after a while, she will become what he has called her!
I meet so many women, who do not know their own value or worth, because it was never instilled in them, as young girls, by their fathers. It has been proven over and over again, in psychological studies, that young women, gravitate to men, who are like their fathers. Whether they were trash or treasure! If her father was abusive, she will gravitate to an abusive man. If her father was strong and nurturing, she gravitate to a strong and nurturing man. If the father was not present, often times, she will gravitate to a man, who will run out on her, and her kids.
There are so many strong and beautiful women, who are single mothers, and are doing a great job at it!I commend them for it! Most of these mothers are not single by choice, they are just playing the hand they have been dealt. Most of them make it look effortless, but I know it’s hard. You have to be everything to everyone: mother, breadwinner, cook, housekeeper, nursemaid, and dad. I have heard from a few men, that I’ve counseled, that when they get into a relationship with a single mother, it is often difficult, because, they are “set in their ways” and won’t let him “be the man”. I try to get them to see it from the woman’s perspective. Meaning that, she has had, no one, but herself, to depend on for so long. She often times, she has been so hurt by past relationships, and situations. It's difficult, to just let someone come in, and take over. She doesn’t know if she can depend on him, for the long haul, or not. She has to guard her heart and her children. She doesn't know what his track record looks like.
But on the flip-side of the coin, there a lot of women, who've gotten used to being self-sufficient, and self-reliant. They don’t even know how to accept being nurtured. I've seen women push a good man away, subconsciously, because of past hurts, from other men. She won’t let him get too close to her, or love her too much, because the pain she’s suffered before, has been too great. None of this is what God intended.This is why it is so important that we get back to what God has ordained. The “ natural” order of things, as He intended, for them to be.
That is, God as the head of Christ, Christ as the head of man, and man as the head of his wife, and his family. When you get away from His ordinances, these things above, are what you get. This is the “social disorder” I was referring to, and with this I close, we must return to our first Love, because He first loved us.
Be blessed and encouraged, today!